By Apostle Joy Museba

Bitterness is a feeling of deep anger towards someone or something. It’s a reaction that is common when reality does not match up to our expectations.

It’s a reaction that takes place when we feel unfairly treated. Perhaps you  were there for somebody for years, months or weeks and you were expecting the person to pay your kindness with kindness or your love with love and then it turns out to be different; the person does not treat you the same way you treated them.

If you were expecting a fair and equitable treatment and it does not come, then you are likely to develop anger and bitterness towards that person. One thing I have come to learn is that any bitter person does not accept that they carry an overwhelming amount of anger, sadness and disappointment and they secretly feel angry towards themselves. They are slaves to their anger, they can’t even control it. If you are to tell them that they carry an overwhelming amount of anger they won’t admit it anywhere. The first obstacle that you may face in trying to help any person that is bitter is denial, where they don’t accept the state of things. The first step I want to take is to make clear to you that you have bitterness in one or more areas. If you do not have then we thank God and perhaps God may use you as an instrument to deliver them that are bitter around you.

Signs of Bitterness

1. Generalizing your anger

For example, saying “all men are dogs” after having been treated unfairly by one man. One boss would have treated them unfairly and instead of handling one person, a bitter person generalizes and says ALL men, ALL bosses, ALL companies, ALL churches. If you’re finding yourself in the bracket of them that generalize every negative thing that would have happened to them once, twice, or thrice; then you must know that you now carry an overwhelming amount of anger towards that group of people, even though it’s not all of them that would have treated you in that manner.

2. Holding Grudges
3. If you like talking about the wrongs done to you

You want everyone to know what happened to you and you want them to sympathize with you. You repeat the story over and over to whoever will listen. You talk about how he cheated you, how he took all your money and sponsored another woman with it. You talk about how someone close to you died, the last minutes and the last days of their death and you’re stuck there, expecting him to live but unfortunately reality did not match with your expectation. God took them away and now the problem you now have is you’re bitter towards God,  you’re bitter about how life has treated you and its difficult for you to move away from talking about yourself in relation to what happened to you.

4. Jealousy

If you are a jealous person, you’re a bitter person.

5. Struggling to accept advice

Most bitter people find it hard to accept advice even when the advice is to their advantage. They are over-suspicious and think that people will not tell them the truth, thinking that there’s a hidden agenda to what they are being told. They are too defensive over what they think is right and fight hard to defend it even when it is wrong.

6. Expecting preference without making any changes to position themselves strategically for that preference

For example, a bitter person feels that they’ve been at their job long enough to be promoted but do nothing to deserve that promotion. Bitter people do nothing to improve themselves because they expect to be chosen, to be loved, and to win but without changing anything about themselves. Bitter people say, accept me as I am, and yet life does not go like that.

7. Attention seeking

They do a lot of things just to seek attention. They may go around telling everyone that they are ill even when the sickness is very mild. They don’t do certain things just so people can ask them what’s going on, they deny their husbands conjugal rights just so he may ask what’s going. A bitter woman can leave her matrimonial home to go and stay with her parents or friend with the motive of seeking attention. A bitter person is attention-seeking.

8. Bitter people don’t like cheerful people
9. Not congratulating others for their victories and achievements
10. Bitter people are gossipers

 

Prayer Point

Lord, help me to come out of denial and accept that I am bitter about ……(insert the problem).

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A merry heart maketh a cheerful countenance, but by sorrow of the heart the spirit is broken. Proverbs 15:13_[NKJV]

If you’re happy at heart i.e. if your heart is glad, even your face looks cheerful. You look bright and you glow when you’re happy at heart. When you’re sorrowful, bitter at heart, even your spirit is broken.

Bitterness affects the way you handle your spiritual affairs. It affects the way you conduct yourself spiritually. It’s hard for a person to have spiritual breakthroughs in terms of prayer and to enjoy their spiritual life. This is because bitterness is a hindrance to a flow of spirituality in an individual. Bitterness is not good for you at all and needs to be dealt with as soon as possible so that you don’t carry a burden that will hinder your access to spiritual realms.

Bitterness may come about as a result of being raped. It may result from being unfairly treated at work. It may even be caused by children that you raised that you worked so hard for but do not pay back the kindness you showed them. Bitterness can result from heartbreak, a man refusing responsibility for their child after impregnating you.

The thing with bitterness is that it does not eat up the person that treated you wrongly, it will eat up the one who carries it!  Bitterness is the punishment we give ourselves for the sins of others.

 

Bitterness is how we punish ourselves for the sins of others.

When you have this anger towards somebody you’re actually punishing yourself because you’re carrying weights upon your shoulders. The book of Hebrews tells us that since we are on this rest we must deal with every weight and sin that can easily entangle us (Hebrews 12:1 KJV). Bitterness might not be a sin but it can lead you to sin. It’s a heavy load that can easily entangle you in your journey of life and in your spiritual walk with God.

 

Now, bitterness does not only affect you spiritually but physically as well.

Scientific studies have revealed that there is a relationship between bitterness and the state of health of a person. Some symptoms that are associated with being bitter are sleeplessness, fatigue, a lack of desire to be intimate with your spouse, a negative personality, lack of appetite, losing or gaining large amounts of weight. If this happens to you, know that the bitterness has moved from affecting you spiritually and is now affecting you physically.

 

Bitterness can affect the way you relate with people

Bitter people often find it difficult to have healthy relationships, whether these are love relationships – a boyfriend and girlfriend, a husband and wife – or relationships at work, church and in the neighbourhood. Bitter people cannot maintain a friendship for a long time. If you can look back on your life and reflect, you’ll see that you’ve been changing friends every year. You might be 20 years old only but having twenty people that you say used to be your best friend. If you can list, you can list them according to years “2018 my best friend was so and so…2011 my best friend was so and so…” Bitterness cannot befriend anyone on a permanent basis. It cannot love someone permanently. If you are a bitter person you must know that you’re sabotaging your spiritually life, physical health and your social life. Bitterness is a thing that will hinder the flow of your life.

If you want to enjoy socially, then bitterness must be dealt with.

If you want to enjoy spiritually, then bitterness must be dealt with.

If you want to enjoy your health, then bitterness must be dealt with.

 

If you decide to keep holding on to your bitterness, know that you’re doing yourself a disservice and an injustice. You’re going to be sick; you’re going to lose important relationships and you’re going to find it hard to access spiritual realms. No matter what brought about the bitterness, it must go!

 

Prayer Point

The bitterness that is deep-rooted inside of me must be uprooted in the mighty name of Jesus!

 

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Forgiveness

Forgiveness is a prerequisite for one to be free from deep anger and a bitter personality. For anybody to know how to forgive, they also have to learn why we forgive. The reason why we forgive is very important because when we know the reason why we forgive we may have a purpose for forgiveness. People have hurt you – spouse, boss, friends, children, relatives – and your reaction was anger, bitterness and frustration, and from the time that incident took place you find it hard to let go of the person or the act itself.

Bitterness is not good for the one who has it. It eats you up from the inside. It makes you unapproachable. Ultimately, you become landlocked in terms of relationships. For you to release bitterness, you have to forgive.

And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive him, so that your father in heaven may forgive you your sins. Mark 11:25 _[NIV]

Forgiving is not just good for the one being forgiven, it actually holds more benefit for the one who is forgiving. By holding a grudge against someone, you’ll be carrying a heavy burden upon your shoulders and in your heart.

It is natural to react and feel like you have to pay evil for evil, an eye for an eye. When you know God, you also know that there are unforgivable sins such as unforgiveness for God says,

And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive him, so that your father in heaven may forgive you your sins. _[NIV],

which means that our inability to forgive those who sin against us will also make our father, God, to treat us in the same way we treat us. Our forgiveness is in proportion to how we forgive those who would have sinned against.

So, forgiveness frees you. Secondly, by forgiving you are showing God that this is the way I want you to treat me when I sin against you. No bitter person can be free from their bitterness without practicing forgiveness.

Matthew 6:12 says:

And forgive us our debts, as we forgive our debtors. _[KJV]

If you don’t forgive you children for not taking care of you, your husband for being unfaithful, your boss for not paying your salary, your friend for divulging secrets, people that were not there for you when you needed them; then it is going to be difficult for you to be free from bitterness because bitterness abides on a platform of unforgiveness.

The people who have sinned against you have to be forgiven. The church has to be forgiven. Some people are bitter right now about their church. They were attending all events and participating in all activities and maybe you lost a dear family member and the church was not there for you or you had a crisis of some sort which you thought the church would help you with but they didn’t and now you are bitter. You now see the church as an institution that damages people and you no longer want to be part of any ministry.

The only way you can make a good decision in the future is to come to terms with what happened and forgive the people or organization involved. You must know that by doing this you’re not doing them good; you’re doing yourself good. The people you’re trying to ‘fix’ by holding this hate against are not feeling the same burden like you are. If you don’t let them go, God is also not going to forgive your sins.

Prayer Point

Ask God to help you forgive those who have wronged you then speak forgiveness over them.

 

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How to come out of bitterness

And David was greatly distressed for the people spoke of stoning him, because the soul of all the people was grieved, every man for his sons and for his daughters: but David encouraged himself in the Lord his God. 1 Samuel 30:6 _[NIV]

This is when Ziklag was invaded by the Amalekites and it was burnt with fire. Women and children were taken captive, including the King’s wives. When they departed that’s when David and his men came back and found Ziklag burnt. The bible says something very profound about their reaction – every man wept until they had no more power to weep (1 Samuel 30:4).

This is what we were speaking about –  bitterness is a reaction. The way you react to an unexpected event. You become angry but cannot reverse what has happened.

The men of Israel couldn’t cope with the loss and they did the common thing. There is a tendency to shift the blame when someone is bitter. They don’t look into themselves, for problems within but shift the blame to something or someone else.

There are people today who are bitter about the war that took place in the sixties and they say we couldn’t go to school because of that and they hold on to it. There are people who are poor today and they say, “It’s because our parents didn’t send us to school”.  From when they were 18 years old to present day, perhaps it’s now a decade later, and they keep on saying, “If I could have been sent to school by my parents then my life would have been better.”

If you think that your life can change by accusing someone who is not you then you are lost, you’ll continue to weep until the day you die.

The men of Ziklag, after weeping, became so distressed to the point of trying to find fault. In fault-finding, they felt that David was responsible as the leader of the army for the invasion that had taken place. David became distraught but instead of helping these people out, the Bible says David encouraged himself in the Lord.

When you have been delivered from bitterness, what can you do for yourself to live a bitter-free life? Don’t shift the blame from yourself. Whatever could have caused that kind of bitterness, you probably contributed to it and you have to investigate your part in it and what you could have done differently. If you’re able to do this diagnosis then you should be happy because there’s only one thing a person a person can do when it comes to change – you can only change yourself!

You are only in charge and in control of your own life. In as much as we want our bosses, husbands, subordinates and everyone else to change; we don’t have the power to because changing takes the willingness of the person that must change.

If ever you’re going to have peace, identify only those things that YOU can change because looking forward to changing somebody else can become an uphill task and an expectation that will stay forever unmet.

Some of the married ones and the ones in relationships will be saying if only my husband would worship God/change his friends/not make the decisions he makes when he gets money/etc. This should be a prayer that you can make, for God to speak to your husband and then your husband makes a decision for himself to change in that regard. You have to offer it as a request before God because you can’t push it. He is a distinct separate person from you and in as much as you desire change, if you put it to heart you will become bitter in the process of time. There’s nothing you can do to change another human being. The only thing that can help you is to look into yourself.

Ask God to help you to see things differently and come to terms with the way things are. If this sinks in, your expectations will become reasonable. Having reasonable expectations will help you not to get into zones and territories that will lead you to bitterness.

David did not try to change the men that wanted to stone him, he did not try to change the army; what he did was encourage himself in the Lord!

 

Prayer Point

Oh God, help me to see things differently and to look into myself that I may see what I could have done differently for my situation to be better and sweet.

 

If you make this prayer, you’re going to see yourself changing every day.

 

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Restoration

And I will restore to you the years that the locust hath eaten, the cankerworm, and the caterpillar, and the palmerworm, my great army which I sent among you. Joel 2:25_[NIV]

There are a number of things that bitterness can do to a person and I want to focus on one of them here, that we have already mentioned before. When a person is bitter, they find it hard to establish and maintain relationships. Bitterness is a hindrance to connecting with people. Bitter people find it hard to become compatible with potential life partners, establish relationships with a business partner, find it hard to trust friends. Why? Bitterness is a hindrance. It’s like a pair of shades that distort your vision. You become over suspicious, thinking that somebody can do something spiritual or natural to harm you. As a result, because there is no trust, there cannot be a relationship at any level.

Think of it; the years that you have been holding on to your bitterness…how many relationships have you lost? Maybe you’re not married right now. Maybe you lost your job. Maybe you’re unemployed and you’ve been attending interviews unsuccessfully because people cannot stand working with you or relating with you. You might even be finding it hard to find a group to join for prayer or to team up with some people to have a social club, maybe for sports, games, exercising or other things.  Maybe you’re finding it hard to have relationships with any institutions and organizations such as churches, right now you’re not in any commitment with the church you’re going to because you want to worship God but don’t want to be a member of any church because you’re tired of churches.

That kind of bitterness that you’re carrying will not get you anywhere. Thus bitterness has to go and if it’s to leave then you have to forgive. Now that the bitterness is leaving you, I want you to claim the things that were taken away from you by this bitterness. There are relationships that you were supposed to enjoy which you don’t have. There are business connections that you were supposed to benefit from but you did not benefit from them. You could have been married, there’s a man somewhere that could not stand your anger and because of that you’re not married.

Everything that you lost by bitterness, may the Lord restore it back to you by grace in the name of Jesus!

Now that you have been released from this bitterness, may God help you to be restored of any kind of relationships that you lost because of the deep anger and grudges that you had been holding. May the lord bring restoration at every level of relationships!

Any relationship in the months past, weeks past and years past that was destroyed by the locust, by the cankerworm and palmerworm of bitterness, may it be restored in the mighty name of Jesus!

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We have agreed that the bitterness you’ve been holding onto came as a result of an occurrence that you reacted to because you felt unfairly treated or because the things that happened were not expected e.g. a death, divorce, loss of a job, failing exams. Or the reaction came because somebody you trusted did something bad to you and because of it you were broken. Yes, they offended you but the way you reacted was your choice. You will never be able to control what someone does to you.

Then he said unto the disciples, It is impossible but that offences will come: but woe unto him, through whom they come! Luke 17:1_[KJV]

I don’t want to talk about the trouble that is going to come to the person that brings offences but I want to  bring to your attention the fact that offences are sure to come. People are going to offend you, events are going to offend you. Certain occurrences are going to offend you. Even after reading this booklet on bitterness and how to deal with it and how to handle people, people are still going to offend you in one way or another but one thing that you should know is that you have the control over your reaction and not over the offences that will come. You can’t choose whether the offences come or not but you have control over how you respond when they come.

When some of these offenses come, they break us down and when this happens, there is wisdom that comes out of this brokenness.

Sorrow is better than laughter: for by the sadness of the countenance the heart is made better. Ecclesiastes 7:3 _[KJV]

The bible here is saying that sorrow (or brokenness) is better than laughter or joy because in the sadness of the countenance, the heart is made better. The heart of the wise is in the house of mourning and the heart of fools is in the house of mirth (Ecclesiastes 7:4 KJV).

What you have to understand here is that whenever you get broken and you get into deep careful thought, you can then realize what is important and what is not and actually discern between what is necessary and what is not necessary, things that can be changed and those that cannot be changed. You can also discern your value in a certain environment or place, whether your presence is tolerated or your presence is accepted. You can discern whether your presence is welcome or you have overstayed your welcome. You can also discern whether you can improve your value for you to be significant in a certain environment.

Give careful thought on why certain things happen to you and not to other people and why certain things are happening to you at such a time. Could you have done certain things differently for you to be disqualified from being treated the way you have been treated? If you don’t think about these critical things at the time you are sorrowful, you will not improve. The reaction that you should take when offended is to learn things that are of importance in that particular situation and to find the things that you can change or improve. Every time you go through an offence, criticism or attack; you have to come out purified. You have to come out better from that situation. You might be broken but remember that a righteous man falls seven times yet rises up again (Proverbs 24:16).

These negative situations will come but the way you respond must confuse your enemies and even the devil. You must confuse those people who become excited when they see you crying, saddened,  mourning and sorrowful.

Let’s look at the verse again.

Sorrow is better than laughter: for by the sadness of the countenance the heart is made better. Ecclesiastes 7:3 _[KJV]

There is wisdom that comes when a person is broken, and that is what you should go out to look for whenever you are broken or go through a negative situation, bearing in mind that you can’t change the world without but the world within. If you can focus within, on the things that you can change, you can become a better person altogether.

From here onwards, when you look within , you will gain wisdom. Wisdom itself is a defense just as money is a defense but the advantage of wisdom is that it gives life to the one who has it.

Wisdom is good with an inheritance: and by it there is profit to them that see the sun.₁₁

For wisdom is a defence, and money is a defence: but the excellency of knowledge is, that wisdom giveth life to them that have it.₁₂ Ecclesiastes 7: 11-12 _[KJV]

Wisdom and money work together for the benefit for the one who has them.  When you are sorrowful and you look within, you develop wisdom. The next time such a situation comes when you’re wiser than before, you are defended by your wisdom.

The other thing is this. The bible has said wisdom is a defense as money is a defense. If you make your own money, you will not be easily offended. So go out there and make some cash for yourself.

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The Joy of The Lord

Do not grieve, for the joy of the Lord is your strength. Nehemiah 8:10 _[NIV]

There is a difference between happiness and joy. Happiness is controlled by things that happen while joy is a fruit of the spirit

In Galatians 5:22 when we are taught of the spirit, joy is one of the characteristics that is included, meaning joy comes from within. We are not strengthened by happiness because its controlled by external things. We are rather strengthened from within through the joy of the Lord that is produced by the Holy Spirit.

If you yield to the spirit of God and permit Him to fill you continually, joy will be produced. This joy coming from the spirit of the Lord within then becomes your source of strength. It becomes your fuel and energy source to go on. The devil wanted to frustrate you until you have no more confidence to continue with your career, marriage, ministry, etc. The devil wanted to frustrate you and make you bitter to the extent that you give up on your dreams. Your dreams are still possible, they can still be achieved. They will become a reality because new energy is being generated. Your temper and mood will not be a reaction of the things happening outside you. You’ll respond according to what is happening within you. The Holy Spirit will supply you with the joy of the Lord and energy to go on. You are not going to be stranded or stuck. The Holy Spirit that you are continuously entertaining and yielding to shall be in charge of your attitude and mood, generating joy from within. Whether good things have happened or not, you’ll still be able to rejoice.

Though the fig tree does not bud and there are no grapes on the vines, though the olive crop fails and the fields produce no food, though there are no sheep in the pen and no cattle in the stalls, yet I will rejoice in the Lord, I will be joyful in God my Saviour. Habakkuk 3:17-18 _[NIV]

You are not going to be controlled by your wins or losses but by the joy being produced by the Holy Spirit inside of you. The devil is going to be confused because you’re going to be joyful every time, rejoicing again and again because the Holy Spirit will be giving you a reason to be joyful. Depend on the Holy Spirit and you will enjoy the strength of the Lord.

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The life of Hannah and her bitterness

Bitterness is a hindrance. It doesn’t hinder you from connecting with people only but it also hinders you from connecting with God Himself. Some prayers that we make out of a bitter soul are prayers that we make trying to revenge or “fix” those who offended us in the course of life. As a result, your prayer will not be coming from the righteousness of God in you but will be coming from one evil part of your flesh were you desire to see evil befall any person who would have offended you. Some of you have divorced or separated and for others you were impregnated and the man refused responsibility for the child and inside yourself you would say “I will feel better if this person doesn’t amount to anything”. You would desire for this person to become a vagabond. Let me ask you a question. Is this a prayer from a child of God or it’s an evil prayer that can only come out of sons of Belial? After growing and maturing in the Lord, I realized that God has never made us to pay evil for evil but that He has given us a spirit of power, love and soundness. Instead of praying for your personal breakthrough, your finances and everything else about your life, bitterness will make you make prayers to destroy rather to build.

Over the years, Hannah was praying because she needed a child and all she wanted this child for was to fight her battles with Peninnah but later we find a shift in Hannah’s perception. Although she was still bitter she told God that if He would give her that child, she would give him back to God so that he may be a Nazarite and serve God all the days of his life. This is something that is very profound because Hannah is saying I need a child for myself and for the glory of God and no longer to fight her enemies with.

When God blesses you, your enemies will see your progress; if they’re going to be disappointed then it’s okay but that is not supposed to be the objective when you’re asking God to bless you. You don’t have to pray asking God for a husband so that your ex may see that you have moved on. That is a prayer made from an evil foundation and it hinders your access in the realms of the spirit. The bible says the prayers and desires of the righteous shall be granted.

…but the desire of the righteous shall be granted. Proverbs 10:24b _[KJV]

How can a righteous person ask for an evil thing? I understand that there are some things which are out of context in this particular scripture where we can make prayers of warfare especially when it comes to witchcraft and demons that we are supposed to wrestle with, curse, overthrow and utterly destroy. This is a different case altogether. Your prayer should not be derived solely from your bitterness but also from the maturity of what you want to be.

When Hannah made her prayer she made a profound offer to God. While she was praying, the man of God Eli saw her lips moving but words were not coming out. Eli thought  she was drunk so he walked up to her and said for how long shall you be drunken? Put away thy wine.” Hannah answered and said, “I am a woman of a sorrowful spirit. I have drunk neither wine nor strong drink but have poured out my  soul before the Lord.”

Look at this, Hannah appeared to be drunk. Bitterness can alter your appearance such that you can even appear like a drug addict. Bitterness has a way of changing your countenance. The man could not have thought that she was drunk simply because her lips were moving with no words coming out but appearance itself is changed if bitterness tarries long enough with a person. You would not even look approachable when people look at you and this is why it’s difficult for a bitter person to connect with new people and form new relationships.

Bitterness also causes one to weep every time whether they are talking to people or to God. You would have this heavy dark blanket that will be covering you.

The third thing is that Hannah said she had never taken any strong drink but was of sorrowful spirit. Imagine a sorrowful spirit making you look like a drunk person. What is more interesting from the text is that it shows that there are words that she could have spoken that would be considered rude because on verse 16 it says Hannah said:

Count not thine handmaid for a daughter of Belial: for out of the abundance of my complaint and grief have I spoken hitherto. 1 Samuel 1:16 _[KJV]

A daughter of Belial is a daughter of Satan. Hannah is saying, “as a results of my complaints“. A bitter person complains a lot. If you complain about everything and anything then know that bitterness is in charge within your spirit.

Bitterness changes the way you speak. When you have bitterness, even your words will be rude and without respect. Your words will be bitter as well. You often regret your words after you have spoken. However, we thank God that the man of God understood what was happening.

To end her bitterness and sorrow, he did not start by giving her the child but he started by addressing her problems of bitterness. When you are bitter, you’ll never have peace in your heart. Remember bitterness is a feeling of deep anger, you’re unsettled on the inside but right here we are seeing a powerful utterance from the man of God. “Go in peace”. The peace that is being declared here is a peace against the bitterness that Hannah had for all these years. Later on, the man of God then asked God to grant her petition.

If your bitterness goes then your prayers will be answered. May peace that transcends all human understanding guard your heart from today!

 

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